by Anita DiGregory

Thanks & Giving

Thanksgiving is nearly upon us.  I love Thanksgiving—the faith-based tradition, the family-time, the fun, the food, and the feasting.  Quietly nestled between the sugar overload of Halloween and the incessant over-commercialization of Christmas (I honestly think some retailers had Christmas decorations displayed in September this year!), Thanksgiving has remained a humble holiday, steeped in tradition and rich in meaning. Even in a time when patriotism has somehow become controversial, Thanksgiving continues to bring people together and unite them around tables across the country. Although the holiday only happens once a year, teaching, modeling, and reinforcing the ideas of “thanks” and “giving,” has scientifically been proven to help both adults and children to be happier and healthier.

Dr. Robert Emmons from the University of California has conducted numerous scientific studies on gratitude. The findings reported from experiencing and demonstrating gratitude included many psychological, physical, and social benefits. Researchers found that gratitude resulted in feelings of alertness and wakefulness and higher levels of joy, pleasure, optimism, and other positive emotions. Benefits also included improved immune systems and blood pressure and decreased aches and pains. Grateful individuals were more apt to exercise, practice healthy living, and experience healthier sleep patterns.  Thankful participants were less lonely, demonstrated better social interactions, and displayed more signs of being forgiving, outgoing, helpful, compassionate, and generous.

Instilling a strong sense of gratitude in our children is a necessary and powerful tool in equipping them to become happy, healthy adults. According to Halloween author Christine Carter, Ph.D., grateful children may grow into happier grown-ups. Carter, director of the Greater Good Parents program at the University of California at Berkeley, states, “Pioneering social scientists think that 40 percent of our happiness comes from intentional, chosen activities throughout the day. Thankfulness is not a fixed trait. It’s a skill that can be cultivated, like kicking a soccer ball or speaking French.” Therefore, consistently teaching and encouraging our children to be grateful is vital. Here are some ideas for helping children to grow in gratitude.

Lead by Example. Children are great imitators, and little eyes are always watching. As parents, we can send a powerful message to our children by modeling grateful behavior. By taking the time and effort to say thank you and being openly and enthusiastically thankful to others for opening a door, making a meal, or helping out, we demonstrate gratitude.

Put it in Writing.  Help your child write a thank you note to someone who has helped them, perhaps a teacher, coach, bus driver, or school crossing guard. Help them hand deliver their special note.

Make it Fun. Children learn more when their lessons are real and entertaining. Try doing an ongoing gratitude activity. Last year, during the month of November, I constructed a gratitude tree with my two youngest children. We designed the trunk out of construction paper and taped it to a prominent wall in our home. Each day, they wrote on colored, construction paper leaves one thing for which they were thankful. By Thanksgiving, we had a wonderful, colorful display of their gratitude for all to enjoy.

Make Gratitude a Habit. Help your children to be thankful each day. Help them design a gratitude journal, where they can draw or write about what they are thankful for that day. Incorporate giving thanks into nighttime prayers, when each child can think back on the day and list those things for which he or she is grateful.

Thankfulness goes hand-in-hand with giving. Thanksgiving.  By teaching our children to give of themselves—to give their time, talent, and treasure, one small act at a time—we empower them to make a difference in a world that could use a lot of work. With small acts of kindness, we can change not only ourselves for the better, but the world as well. Ralph Waldo Emerson stated, “You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.”  There is no better place or time then right here and right now to make a difference.

According to studies, kindness is actually contagious. David R. Hamilton, PhD., author of The Five Side Effects of Kindness, states, “When we’re kind, we inspire others to be kind, and studies show that it actually creates a ripple effect that spreads outwards to our friends’ friends’ friends—to 3-degrees of separation. Just as a pebble creates waves when it is dropped in a pond, so acts of kindness ripple outwards, touching others’ lives and inspiring kindness everywhere the wave goes.”

Additionally, scientific studies suggest that being kind is actually highly beneficial for us. A study conducted at Emory University found that when a person is kind to another, the giver’s pleasure and reward center of the brain is stimulated to that of the receiver.  This increase in pleasure is known as the “helper’s high.” Other studies have found that acts of kindness increase energy, happiness, lifespan, and serotonin, and also decrease pain, stress, anxiety, blood pressure, and depression in the giver.

Here are some things we can do with our children that may help nurture a spirit of kindness in them:  model kindness; smile; spend time with an elderly relative or neighbor; donate gently used toys, books, or clothes; visit a nursing home; help a friend in need.

According to Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD., author of The Myths of Happiness: What Should Make You Happy, But Doesn’t, What Shouldn’t Make You Happy, But Does, states that almost any type of act of kindness will boost happiness in the giver. Quoting one of her study’s findings, she adds, “when 9 to 11-year old kids were asked to do acts of kindness for several weeks, not only did they get happier over time, but they became more popular with their peers.”

As parents, we are greatly helping our children, ourselves, and the world by instilling in them a sense of gratitude and a genuine desire to be kind to others…true thanksgiving.