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The Crazy Plant Lady

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  by Ana Morlier, The Crazy Plant Lady

Navigating the Trials  & Tree-bulations of    Christmas Trees

Merry December, readers! Now that the season of excess leftovers (still sitting in one’s freezer, never to be finished) and forced-family reunions are over (for now), it’s time for the winter celebrations to begin! I see that eye roll! Yes, I am fully aware that Walmart and other stores have brought “Christmas joy” well before I have, even in terms of trees and plant gifts. Instead, you will learn all the dos and don’ts of maintaining a Christmas tree in this article. You’ll also (hopefully) learn how to keep your leafy companion alive longer than the shelf life of eggnog. Here is my guide to Christmas tree-keeping!

Choose Your Fighter—What Tree Is Right for Me?

Either way (potted or cut tree), unless you are purchasing a Norfolk pine or rosemary tree, you’re going to need quite a bit of space. Potted trees do indeed take up slightly less space but are quite heavy and will need to be planted into the ground whenever the season is over. Again, unless it is a Norfolk pine, Christmas trees cannot stay in a pot. Potted trees are also going to need significantly more attention (I know, shock of all shockers), whether examining for bugs, root rot, over- and underwatering and overgrowth of the pot. Whereas for a cut tree, you’ll mainly need to make sure the water levels are above the end of the stump. Perhaps for bugs if extremely noticeable.

Potted trees allow you to gift a tree back to the Earth, but make sure you have a nice big pot for it, then find room somewhere in your yard to plant it permanently.

If you already feel the guilty beads of sweat rolling down your climate-conscious self, have no fear! There are many ways to reuse cut trees: Use needles as a natural mulch; cut off boughs to protect perennial beds from cold and snow; use the trunk as a flowerpot or fence (if you’re feeling crafty); rent a chipper and make wood chip mulch; use branches to support growing plants. But do NOT burn the tree in house fires or in wood stoves. Use renewable pellets if you feel so inclined, but you cannot burn tree remnants, or else you’ll inflict damage upon your most sacred heat source. Certainly not recommended during the dead of winter.

Once you have decided what tree type will work best for you, it’s time for some field research (pun intended). Basically, walk up to the tree you want and test its needles. For a healthy pine, the needles will bend and not break, and will be dark green and shiny. Healthy fir needles will break sharply and also retain an emerald color and shine. If you want to doublecheck that your tree is healthy, reach inside the trunk, and slightly shake the tree or branch. Only a few needles should fall. In addition, fresh growth and sticky sap are also quite a good sign. Both indicate that the tree retains moisture well.

Buy One, Get One Tree…Buying Tips

The later you buy a tree, the more likely you’ll have a fresh, green tree for Christmas. Most advise buying a tree in the first or second week of December.

Netting is excellent in protecting your tree from harsh winds but wrapping it in an old blanket is even more effective in preserving the branches.

If you are grabbing a tree from a pre-cut lot, cut a small portion of the trunk off at home to ensure proper circulation. Cut ½ to 1 inch off the trunk, without angling.

When you first set down your tree, try to check it 3-4 times a day since the tree will drain water pretty quickly. Add fresh, cool water (tap water is fine). Try to keep the tree trunk in a larger water basin so it has enough room and more than enough water to soak in (a stand with room to hold a gallon of water minimum and an opening wide enough to contain the whole tree trunk).

How to Keep Your Tree Lookin’ Like a Fine Pine

Keep your sen-tree in a cool place, away from any heating vents, heaters, or furnaces. Not only will it be less of a fire hazard, but it will keep the tree healthier for longer. It is perfectly fine to situate a tree next to a window, as it remains cool from external temperatures.

If you have heated floors, stand the tree on a mat or other surface to avoid contact with the heated floor, preferably in an area without direct sunlight, or even in a darker location.

Give your leafy companion a day or two to adjust to the new environment before putting on ornaments.

You can never overwater your tree! Make sure it is watered well above the end of the trunk or else the tree will dry out quickly.

Don’t add sugary substances (such as the rumored 7-up). While it won’t directly kill the tree, mold and bacteria buildup certainly will. Any additives will not make your tree healthier. If anything, it breeds an environment for mold. So, keep it simple with cold water, and your tree will be just fine.

Potted Tree Care

Use long, large, containers to give the tree roots plenty of room, with ample drainage. If you notice leaves turning yellow or other problems, the tree may be indicating that it has outgrown its pot or watering is not sufficient.

To keep it fresh for Christmas day, it is advised to not place/pot the tree in your home until one week before Christmas.

Check for watering information on the label, but aim to keep the soil moderately moist, perhaps watering every other day.

Signs of a Suffering Tree

Feed me, Seymour! Some signs of a suffering tree are: excessive needle loss; lack of smell; dried, brittle branches; and quickly yellowing branches.

If you observe these, check the water level! It may also be pests (you can take care of these with pesticides. I like to use natural neem oil), excessive heat, or decay from being bought too early. Trimming problem areas can reduce some damage, and providing fresh, cool water can help.

May these suggestions lead to a healthier, happier plant, to a place where you have one less thing to worry about during the holiday rush. I and my many leafy friends would appreciate it if you took the time to stop, breathe, and admire your hard-working tree.

Take care of yourself, and your tree, and relish this time of kinship. Even during the busiest of times, don’t forget to stop and smell the pine.

Happily Ever After

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Paint and Pop Tarts

by Valerie Nusbaum

Recently, our upstairs landing and stairwell finally got a fresh coat of paint. That project had been “on the list” and “in the works” for several years, but something had always come up to keep the job from getting started. Randy, bless his heart, took a day of vacation on Friday and spent two hours that morning putting up lovely blue painters tape and putting down plastic drop cloths.

I had thought that I was being kind and considerate when I made the suggestion that we hire someone to do the painting, but Randy saw it as a challenge. Honestly, we’ve had so many other obligations lately, coupled with the hours he works at his job. I really didn’t expect him to do the painting himself. He had other ideas.

My way of helping was to go to Walmart (which, for me, is less enjoyable than a good teeth cleaning) and buy the supplies. To make it simple, we decided to paint the walls the same color as the walls in the foyer and kitchen, and Randy assured me that he had more than enough paint stored in our basement.

He ran out of paint by lunchtime on the first day of the job. I was kind of glad about that, because I’d been stuck upstairs in my office all morning since the stairs were taped off.  Even my bathroom was off-limits, as the door opens onto the upstairs landing. When Randy had to stop work, I was relieved in more ways than one, and I scampered downstairs to get lunch ready. One of my jobs while Hubby does “man’s” work is to keep him fed and watered. Yeah, I know Gloria Steinem would have my head, but I really don’t like to paint and the stairwell and landing aren’t large enough for both of us and an open can of paint. Besides, just two days before this job commenced, I went to Brunswick and painted my mother’s kitchen. So, there. We dined on Swedish meatballs over wheat pasta, steamed zucchini, and crescent rolls.

After lunch, Randy drove down to Home Depot and got some more paint. That was not without its problems, because the young lady behind the paint counter was a trainee and her supervisor had left to go to the bathroom an hour ago. Randy ended up showing her how to mix his paint, and then assisted with several other customers. I heard all this second-hand from Randy since I skipped the Home Depot trip and stayed home to clean out the linen closet.

The walls and ceiling were finished by Friday afternoon. On Saturday, the linen closet, the bedroom and bathroom doors, and the trim were the agenda items.

After a hearty cheese and veggie omelet and whole grain waffles, Randy got busy. An hour or so later, I gave him a small piece of a breakfast bar as a treat. He commented that it tasted good, and I made the mistake of saying that it reminded me of a Pop Tart.  I realized my mistake, but it was already too late. You see, there was a Pop Tart incident some years ago. We never speak of it, but it went something like this…..

Randy liked Pop Tarts, and I sometimes bought a box of them for him to take in his lunches for work. I began noticing that the Pop Tarts were disappearing rather quickly, so one evening I asked him about it.

“Have you been eating two Pop Tarts at a time?” I asked.

“They come two to a package. Aren’t you supposed to eat both of them?” he replied.

I explained that one Pop Tart constitutes a serving. The other one in the package is to be shared or put away for another time.

“The package isn’t resealable. And Randy isn’t sharing his Pop Tarts,” said my husband.

I pointed out that the serving size is printed right on the back of the box, along with the nutrition information. It is clearly stated that eating only one Pop Tart is recommended.

“Really?” he exclaimed. “It’s a Pop Tart. There is NO nutritional value. That’s why they’re so delicious. And furthermore, Kellogg’s is trying to scam us with that packaging.  If they only wanted me to eat one, there should only be one in each package.”

The next time I bought a box of Pop Tarts, I opened all of the packets and put each Pop Tart in its own little baggie. Randy took two of them anyway. I stopped buying Pop Tarts, and we never mentioned them again.

The doors and trim eventually got painted, and everything looks bright, shiny, and clean.  Our next project is pulling up the carpet and putting down wood flooring in the rooms upstairs. I’m already planning my menus. Breakfast will not include Pop Tarts.