Currently viewing the tag: "Elves"

by Valerie Nusbaum

It was quiet inside the toy factory. Oh, Santa insisted on calling the wood and glass facility a workshop, but everyone knew it was a factory with assembly lines, conveyor belts, and noisy machines that belched and snorted and spit out toys. The elves still did some of the work by hand, but times had changed and heavy demand for product had meant that new ways of manufacturing needed to be implemented. Fewer and fewer elves were applying for jobs that didn’t pay cold, hard cash, so the machines were building more and more of the toys.

It was early December. Snow was blanketing everything at the North Pole, and the white flakes were still falling hard and blowing around outside. At least it was warm inside the factory and there was plenty of food and drink. Poor Mrs. Claus and her elf kitchen staff could barely keep up with the baking. Hungry factory-worker elves ate a LOT of cookies and drank a lot of cocoa, at least the boys did. Thank goodness the elves had had the good sense to unionize and strike until Santa implemented a dental plan. All that sugar was ruining their teeth.

Most of the boys were outside in the snow “testing” out a new remote-controlled flying contraption that promised to make life easier, while providing hours of mindless entertainment for children. The drone-like device had a hidden camera so that parents could monitor their children from their phones, but, more importantly, the new toy flew over a designated target and sprayed a stinky-smelling vapor that lasted for a very long time. The elf designer was tentatively calling the new toy the “Stink Bomber,” but he realized that the name needed some tweaking. Apparently, the toy needed tweaking as well because the odor was way too strong and offensive, and it was leaving some of the elves gagging and running for cover.

The girls sat inside where it was warm, dry, and sweetly scented, and cautiously nibbled and sipped. A steady diet of cookies, candy canes, and hot cocoa didn’t do wonders for tiny elf hips and thighs.

“I’d give almost anything for a salad,” said Bernice. “I mean, it’s lovely of Mrs. Claus to bake special sugar-free cookies for me, but I need something healthier.” Bernice was diabetic and all those carbs weren’t good for her. “Besides, these things taste like cardboard.”

The other girls rolled their eyes and ignored Bernice’s griping. It seemed that Bernice was always unhappy about something. She’d even changed her elf name. You see, whenever a new elf came to work at the factory, Mrs. Claus had the task of assigning a new name, one which appropriately reflected the Christmas season. Some of the other girls were now called Merry, Holly, Ivy, Joy, and Carol, which were all very lovely, Christmas-y names. Bernice was given an elf name, too, but she promptly changed it back to her old name, exclaiming that no one wanted to be called “Ho.” And truthfully, Mrs. Claus did kind of miss the mark with that one.

Jolly, the elf shop foreman (and also Holly’s twin brother), glanced out the window and yelled, “Oh no!” The boys were lying on top of the snow, prone and unconscious.  Clearly, the spray from the drones had been toxic and had caused the boys to pass out. Jolly screamed for the medics and quickly and efficiently had all the boy elves transported to the medical facility.

Luckily, Jingles had stayed inside during the break. Jingles was the elf who had designed the drone. “I told you it wasn’t ready to be tested yet.  Now, what do we do?” cried Jingles.

The machines were ready to begin production on thirty million drones that very day. “We’ll never have all these orders ready by Christmas Eve without our full staff. Plus, I have to redesign the drone.”

Bernice piped up and said, “We girls can help, you know. We can do more than paint pretty doll faces and sew plush animals.”

At that point, Santa strode into the room and announced that all of the sick elves would make full recoveries, but they’d need plenty of rest and fluids for the next week or so. “We’ll all have to work double shifts to get the toys ready by Christmas Eve.”

Jingles set about refining his drone design but it was no use. He didn’t know how to fix it. He sat down hard and put his little head in his hands.

Santa had never seen his elf staff so discouraged, so he asked if anyone had any ideas of how to make sure that good little boys and girls around the world had a wonderful Christmas.

Since Bernice was always ready with a suggestion, she said, “Children don’t need a lot of fancy toys, Santa. What they want most is to connect with their parents.  Everyone is so busy these days.”

“That’s it!” yelled Jingles. “We’ll reconfigure the drone so that the kids can watch their parents and they can listen and talk to each other through microphones and recorders!”

The elves rejoiced and worked all day and night right up to December 24, Christmas Eve. They loaded Santa’s sleigh with the new drones, and Santa left one at every house.  The kids didn’t know what to do with them, and the parents hated them. Jingles was sent back to the kitchen staff. Bernice changed her name to Noel and got a job at the North Pole Panera. Santa got rid of the machines and started paying his elves in cash, and the elves went back to making simple toys by hand.  Mrs. Claus started a side business selling her cookies on Amazon.

Randy and I hope your holidays are wonderful!

Your Holiday Questions

by Valerie Nusbaum

The holidays are difficult enough without wondering why we’re doing the things we’re doing, right?  We all follow certain traditions and customs, but do we really know why? I got curious and started doing research, and I asked some other people to tell me what puzzles them about their holiday rituals. We pretty much all know why we exchange gifts and why we place candles in our windows, but we do lots of other things without thinking too much about it.  This is what I learned.

 

Why Does Santa Wear a Red Suit? 

According to The Children’s Museum of Indianapolis, it is widely thought that the Coca-Cola Company influenced the color of Santa’s suit. It is also thought by some that Clement Moore’s 1822 poem “The Night Before Christmas” inspired the jolly elf’s garb.  In truth, the original St. Nicholas (the Bishop of Myra in the 4th century) is said to have worn robes of red and white. Either way, black would be much more slimming and wouldn’t show the soot from all those chimneys.  I’m just saying.

 

What is Wassail?

Kathy Cage wrote that, “Wassail is a beverage made of fruit juices, ale, wine, spirits, and spices. The punch is traditionally served hot, with baked apples, nutmeats, or toast pieces floating on top.”  Sonya Moss concurred. Sonya said that she’d tried making it once and didn’t really like it, even though she’d used a generous amount of bourbon. My mother-in-law used to make her own alcohol-free version of wassail, and it was delicious.  I don’t remember anything floating on top, though.

 

Does Santa Pay the Elves?

The best answer I could find to this question is that Santa pays his elves with candy and cookies, and doesn’t even provide a dental plan. In this age of everyone sounding off about everything, I’m surprised that Santa hasn’t been severely chastised on social media and in the news. On the other hand, Santa doesn’t make any money either.

 

Why are Hanukkah Colors Blue and White?

Mental Floss tells us that the colors are taken from the Israeli flag. Blue also represents the stripes on the tallitot (traditional prayer shawls worn in the synagogue and at ceremonies). Blue conveys the sky, faith, and truth. White represents purity, light, and peace.  And silver? Bling, of course.

 

What’s the Difference Between Figgy Pudding and Plum Pudding?

There’s no difference at all, according to NPR.  They’re the same pudding.  Apparently “plum” is a pre-Victorian generic term, referring to any dried fruit, particularly raisins. In the old days, there were neither figs nor plums in the pudding. I’m told it’s delicious, but it seems like an awful lot of effort. Real ones, made from scratch, take five weeks to make.

 

Does Anyone Actually Eat Fruitcake?

My mother loves it. Randy’s mom baked and shipped several of them every year. So, I guess the answer is “yes.”

 

Why Do Some People Use a Star and Others Use an Angel as a Christmas Tree Topper?

Wickipedia writes that some people use a star as a representation of the Star of Bethlehem, while others use an angel to represent Gabriel sent to herald the birth of Jesus. And there is no truth to Randy’s story that Santa got irked at an angel and shoved a tree up there. No one knows why Bill Blakeslee uses a wine bottle.

 

Why Do We Eat Turkey for Thanksgiving?

Wild turkey may have been served at the first Thanksgiving feast in 1621. Turkey began to be widely used for the meal in the 1800s. The birds were large enough to serve a crowd. And, when I said “wild turkey,” I meant the kind we eat.  The other kind is something else entirely and can be served on any holiday.

 

Do People Really Roast Chestnuts On an Open Fire?

Lynne Gartrell wrote, “In all the old Christmas carols, movies, and literature, everyone roasts chestnuts on an open fire. I have never done that, or even tasted a roasted chestnut. Do people still do this? Are they good?”

Nancy King has a cousin with a chestnut tree, and her husband gathers chestnuts and roasts them.  He says they’re delicious. My in-laws used to have chestnut trees, too. They gathered the nuts, took them down to the shore and sold them at markets. Our sister-in-law, Karen Nusbaum, is originally from England, and she assured Lynne that chestnuts are good and are still roasted in the UK. Connie House added that chestnuts were roasted to keep poor people’s hands warm, as they couldn’t afford gloves or muffs. Putting warm chestnuts in their pockets, along with their hands, kept their hands from freezing. Chestnuts are also used in some Asian dishes.  Water chestnuts are delicious and crunchy and have nothing at all to do with this.

 

Why Do We Kiss Under the Mistletoe?

Chris Houck wants to know, “Why do we kiss under the mistletoe?”

Dating all the way back to the 1st century Druids, mistletoe has had romantic overtones because the plant is able to flower in the dead of winter. According to history, one Norse legend has it that Odin’s son, Baldur, was shot dead by Loki with an arrow fashioned from a mistletoe branch. When Baldur was miraculously resurrected, his mother, Frigg, named mistletoe a symbol of love and proceeded to kiss everyone who passed under it.

 

Why Do We Hang Stockings?

Legend has it that three sisters hung their stockings to dry over the fireplace. Knowing that the family was very poor, St. Nicholas tossed three bags of gold coins down their chimney, and the money landed in the stockings. Children everywhere now hang stockings on Christmas Eve, hoping that they’ll be so lucky.

 

Why Do We Decorate Christmas Trees?

This custom started in Germany.  Supposedly, Martin Luther was out one night and noticed the stars twinkling through some tree branches. He was so enamored of the sight that he cut down a small tree and decorated it with candles to enjoy in his home. The tradition of decorating Christmas trees spread to England and then all over the world.

 

What is a Yule Log?

Lighting a yule log in a home is thought to burn away bad luck and keep away the darkness. Any kind of wood will do. It has nothing to do with Yul Brynner.

 

What is Mince Pie?

Original mince pies contained rabbit, pigeon, partridge, hare, and pheasant, as well as dried fruit and spices. Modern mincemeat sometimes includes sausage, and usually liquor. The pies were baked in an oblong or square shape to resemble Jesus’s cradle. Eating the pie is supposed to bring good luck.

 

No matter what traditions you keep, Randy and I hope your holidays are wonderful! Happy celebrating to you all!