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Catoctin Kids

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by Anita DiGregory

“A Tribute to Horrible, Awful, No Good, Very Bad Years”

Have you ever had one of those years when you literally could not wait for the clock to strike midnight, the ball to drop, and the year to be officially over?

Well, 2019 has unmistakably been one of those years for me. Don’t get me wrong, there were beautiful moments sprinkled throughout: sacraments made, memory-making trips taken, heartwarming firsts experienced, celebrations of children’s successes enjoyed. But even so, 2019 will definitely not go down in history as one of my favorite years. 

On top of all the regular stressors, the medical visits, the stacking bills, the unplanned car expenses, the children leaving the nest, we suffered the unimaginable loss of five close family members. I witnessed my faith-, family-, and life-loving cousin lose his courageous battle with pancreatic cancer. I said goodbye to two beloved aunts and one gentle and kind uncle. And, then, shockingly, over Thanksgiving break, we suffered the tremendous loss of my brother-in-law, Sam. 

Only 55 when he passed away, Sam was outgoing, full of life, hardworking, and seemingly healthy.  He left behind a wife and two beautiful children, not to mention a mother, three brothers, three sisters-in-law, nieces, nephews, and many, many friends. Sam was the kind of guy who knew everyone, and everyone knew him. At his viewing, the funeral home remained packed with people waiting to pay their respects, the line often reaching out of the room, down the hall, and to the entrance.

I was only 16 when I met Sam. The new girl in town, I was happy to make a new friend. He had an infectious smile, and I’d swear he’d get this glint in his eyes when he was about to break the rules just enough to make things interesting for everyone. My friend, my co-worker, my brother-in-law, godfather to my daughter, beloved uncle to my children, and practically twin to my husband, how do you say goodbye when it is way too soon, completely unexpected, and hurts deep down in your soul?

So here I sit, trying to wrap my brain around 2019 and its tremendous losses. Forgive me as I think out loud, trying to make some sense of it all. This year has knocked me over the head and taught me some hard, painful, and priceless lessons.

During Thanksgiving break, when we learned of the passing of my aunt and then my brother-in-law, as we were all walking around in a teary daze, my children looked at me through their pain and asked that hard question: Why?

Why was this happening, and why even when they prayed? Why? Why? Why? This is what I said to them: I don’t know why bad things happen. I don’t understand the reasons. But what I know deep down in the core of my soul is that I love my family, my children, with all of my being. Now, if I can love them so much that I feel it in every fiber of my being, so much so that it controls every single decision I make, and I am a very, very imperfect being, then how much more does the perfect God love each and every one of us? And, I know if God loves us this much, then He wants only the best for each of us. So I trust in that. I may never know “the big picture” or understand why things happen the way they do, but I trust in God and His perfect love for all of us. But, even with this, somehow in the thick of it, we still feel alone or abandoned.

Here again I fall upon that which I know…my role as a mother. One day, when my youngest was still quite little, he was attempting to climb the stairs by himself. I quietly tip-toed closely behind him as he teetered and tottered up the steep steps. I did not physically reach out or help him; in fact, he probably never even knew I was there. But whether he realized it or not, I was there, and the minute he needed me, I would have been there. About halfway up the stairs, I realized that this is how it is with God. No matter how we may feel, He is always there with us deep in the trenches…in the joy and in the sadness…guiding us and helping us.

British writer and lay theologian C.S. Lewis was no stranger to pain, having lost both his mother and wife to cancer. After losing his beloved wife, Joy, he fell into deep sorrow, which left him grappling with his perceptions. From the pit of darkness, his journal, later titled A Grief Observed, is raw and honest about his doubts, his fears, his pain, and his journey through grief. In it, he writes, “You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth of falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you.”

We aren’t promised the next tomorrow or even the next moment.  I know that. Still, I always somehow thought I would have the time to go back and dot all the I’s and cross all the t’s. This year has taught me that sometimes you don’t. Sometimes, you don’t get to say “I love you” one last time.

So, here’s to making 2020 different. Let’s make it a year to be intentional; to put what really matters most first; to work and play hard but to love and pray harder; to be kind; to say “I love you”; to go to church; to say “I am sorry”; to not put off until tomorrow what we should get done today; and to be thankful for all the beautiful, little moments. 

I pray that you and yours have a wonderful and blessed new year.

Catoctin Kids

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“Helping Our Children Cope in Times of Trouble”

by Anita DiGregory

To say that I am not a media news person would be an understatement.  My family and I actually avoid it like the plague. Being a communications media graduate, I guess that may seem to be a somewhat ironic fact.  However, with its incessant negative spin and masked agenda, mainstream reporting has become the opposite of all I studied. These days, I tend to agree with Luke Bryan, “I believe if you just go by the nightly news, your faith in all mankind would be the first thing you lose.” With today’s technology and the internet, the media is nearly impossible to escape. When the news is tragic and devastating, as we sadly witnessed again with the most recent school shooting, acts of violence in school and heartbreaking loss of life way too young, it is incredibly hard for us, as adults, to get our bearings. How do we help our children cope with the news of tragedy and loss?

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) via its website healthychildren.org (Helping Your Child Cope, 2015), “a child’s reaction to a new situation varies greatly, depending on his or her developmental level, temperament, experience, skills, and the support that is provided by parents or caregivers. When children are exposed to circumstances that are beyond the usual scope of human experience…, they may have difficulty understanding and coping with the events and may develop a range of symptoms, including trauma symptoms, depression, anxiety, or, if deaths are involved, bereavement.”  No matter their age, it may be hard for children to understand these events or to verbalize their feelings.  It is quite normal for them to feel a wide range of emotions, including fear and sadness. Here are some ways to help your children cope with this trauma.

Get Involved

Speak with leaders at your children’s schools. Find out the school’s safety plans. Offer support and volunteer on different committees to help with safety.

Talk With Your Children

Regardless of their age and stage of development, you know your children best. Whether they have access to the internet or not, they have most likely heard from others about these recent events. Be proactive and ask them what they may have heard. Quietly listen to what they have to say. When they finish, address any misconceptions they may have. For example, younger children may hear about isolated events and think they are happening at their school. Don’t avoid their questions. Address their concerns honestly, but refrain from graphic details. Offer reassurance that you have contacted their school, and that the school is taking every safety precaution. Keep lines of communication open. Continue to “check-in” on how your kids are doing with regard to this for days, even weeks, after. Assure them that you are there for them, whenever they want to talk.

Limit Exposure to Media

According to an article published by the AAP in 2016 (Media Use in School-Aged Children and Adolescents), “today’s children are spending an average of seven hours a day on entertainment media, including televisions, computers, phones, and other electronic devices.” Media images can be especially disturbing and threatening to children.

They add, “Children today are growing up in an era of highly personalized media use experiences, so parents must develop personalized media use plans for their children that attend to each child’s age, health, temperament, and developmental stage. Research evidence shows that children and teenagers need adequate sleep, physical activity, and time away from media.” These basic needs are even more essential in times of stress.

Enable Your Children

When children are faced with stress, they may feel they have no control, which may result in even more feelings of anxiety. By helping your children to be proactive, you will be giving them back that sense of control. Help them start or attend a prayer group. Encourage their involvement in positive student leadership activities.

Watch for Signs of Excessive Fear or Anxiety

According to the scientific community, signs of stress in children can include trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating on school work, or changes in behavior or appetite. If these symptoms last for more than a week or two, consult your pediatrician.

 Create a “Culture of Kindness”

According to the AAP (Kindness: How a Simple Act Can Make a Big Difference, 2018), “Teaching and modeling kindness gives children a life skill they will take with them forever. In a world where media bombard us and our children with talk of dislike, impatience, and intolerance, teaching kindness to children is an important part of their healthy development—and their role in our communities. And the first lessons on this skill start at home.”

They recommend modeling kindheartedness by cultivating a “culture of kindness” in the home, where everyone is treated with fairness and respect. Get involved with groups and activities that promote kind acts, talk with your children about the importance of being kind to others, and offer concrete suggestions for ways to demonstrate kindness to others, whether it be sitting with them at lunch or simply smiling and saying, “Hello.”

They further state, “Now more than ever, learning to be kind to others is an important lesson and an ongoing process that should take place throughout your child’s life. Teaching children to be kind creates a supportive, positive environment, making children—and those around them—feel better about themselves and others.”

Catoctin Kids by Anita DiGregory

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“March Madness”

I am pretty sure that “March Madness” means something different to some moms than it does to some dads. “In like a lion, out like a lamb,” March is generally that month when the plagues of winter—snow, frigid temperatures, endless sicknesses—start to recede.

With the melting snow, the reintroduction of the sun, and the kiddos temperatures starting to return to normal, we moms start to see the light (pun intended) at the end of the long, dark, cold, winter tunnel.  We look for relief from the forced hibernation (which feels more like being under house arrest) that comes from all the illnesses spread back and forth on the family share plan!

This year was particularly hard for many. With a virulent flu being passed around, many of my family and friends experienced extensive sickouts and multiple trips to the doctor’s office and ER.

As a result of winter and its assorted plagues, it is about this time of the year that many experience a new, contagious fever: cabin fever. Cabin fever is real, alive, and one of the most prevalent causes of March Madness. For all those who were more than a little discouraged with the groundhog’s shadowy prediction, before you head back into hibernation or head up to Punxsutawney with torches, pitchforks, or protest signs, here are a few encouraging ideas.

 

  1. Look for the light. Literally! Daylight Savings Time is in sight! At 2:00 a.m. on March 11, we will “spring forward.” As a result, we will begin to see more light in the evening, a sure sign of spring!

 

  1. Continue an important journey. For many, the month of March is right smack dab in the middle of Lent. Although this season is a time of sacrifice and self-discipline (which includes prayer, fasting, and almsgiving), it is also a period of renewal and rejuvenation, culminating in the celebration of Easter and a closer, more intimate relationship with God. This time of reflection and preparation makes this path a true spiritual journey from darkness to light.

 

  1. Declutter your life. Both the season of spring and that of Lent are the perfect time to declutter. A popular challenge, “40 Bags in 40 Days,” encourages participants to break down areas of their home into more manageable chunks, collect unnecessary or non-used items, and bag them. Once collected, the bags can be disposed of, gifted, or donated to others in need. Some wonderful outlets for donation include: church thrift shops (such as St. Peter the Apostle Thrift Shop in Libertytown), animal shelters and rescues, Dress for Success (a program offering low-income women needed business attire for the workplace), homeless shelters, consignment shops, and used bookstores. The end result is both freeing and rewarding.

 

  1. Be inspired. March 10 marks the celebration of Harriet Tubman Day. A model of courage and heroism, Tubman, born a slave, was a humanitarian, American abolitionist, a spy for the U.S. Army, an Army scout, a women’s suffrage movement activist, and a “conductor” on the Underground Railroad. Nicknamed “Moses,” Tubman continually risked her life to lead countless slaves to freedom along the Underground Railroad. Marylanders can conveniently visit many sites, marking the history of this amazing woman. Only about ninety minutes from Baltimore, the Harriet Tubman Underground Railroad Visitor Center is easily accessible to guests. Here, visitors can learn more about Tubman and her remarkable life.

 

  1. Enjoy a new “spring” in your step. The 2018 Spring Equinox is March 20 at 12:15 p.m. Astronomically, this event marks the first day of spring in the Northern Hemisphere (see me do my happy dance!). Historically, this event usually sees a decrease in new flu cases. According to the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention), although the cases of the flu are generally seen throughout the year, “flu activity most commonly peaks in the United States between December and February.” (Happy dance reprisal!).

 

  1. Appreciate the circular…or at least consume it. March 14, otherwise known as 3.14, marks the celebration of Pi Day. Those of us who aren’t math enthusiasts can at least do our part in upholding the celebration by enjoying a slice…be it peach, apple, or pizza pie.

 

  1. Immerse yourself and the kiddos. With the National Education Association’s (NEA) Read Across America Day (weekday closest to March 2), Dr. Seuss’s birthday (March 2), and Tolkien Reading Day (March 25), all falling within the month of March, how can we not take some extra time for reading this month? According to the NEA, “motivating children to read is an important factor in student achievement and creating lifelong successful readers. Research has shown that children who are motivated and spend more time reading do better in school.” Experts recommend reading aloud to your children, as well as motivating them to read daily.

 

But no matter how you choose to spend your March, truth is you survived another Maryland winter, and, for that, you are to be commended. May you and your family have a blessed spring.

Seton Shrine Chat with an Author Series Highlights Mount Graduate

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Anita DiGregory

Have you recently fallen in love?  Are you newly engaged and planning a wedding? Did you recently get married? If so, Mount Saint Mary’s graduate and author Stephanie Calis has some practical and spiritual advice for you. On February 11, in honor of St. Valentine’s Day and the observances of National Marriage Week (February 7-14) and World Marriage Day (February 11), the Seton Shrine hosted a “Chat with an Author,” featuring Calis and her book, Invited: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner, which is up for its second printing and has been a #1 Amazon bestseller in Weddings.

Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton was the first native-born U.S. saint.  Because Mother Seton was a young wife, mother, and resident of Emmitsburg, the Seton Shrine was thrilled to invite Calis to share her message with the community. The event, which was well received, was moderated by Shrine Programs Director Tony Dilulio and included a talk, a question and answer session with the audience, a book signing, and refreshments. The free event was the second in the series, with the next talk (featuring Good Enough is Good Enough: Confessions of an Imperfect Catholic Mom, author Colleen Duggan) scheduled for 3:00 p.m. on April 29, 2018.

Calis, a young wife and mother herself, was happy to meet with the community and share her wedding and marriage advice in a refreshingly humble and down-to-earth style.  Her passion is sharing with others the immense worth that they hold as a human person; that love is a verb; and that pure, sacrificial love is real.

With the tone of a big sister or a best friend, Calis invites her reader (much like a friend would over a cup of coffee) to see with fresh eyes the beauty and truth of the sacrament of marriage. In an honest and caring manner, Calis shares her insights in hopes to share that rules as established through the Catholic Church are in actuality freeing, resulting in pure, sacrificial love.

“My hope for the book is to present a message, which is accessible and inviting, where Faith is a path to freedom,” adds Calis. In an attempt to combine practical wedding planning advice with spiritual teaching and insights, Invited includes the Catholic Rite of Marriage; planning worksheets and checklists; sample invitations and programs; and reception planning sheets, interspersed with information on marriage prep programs, how to choose the perfect dress, budget aids, planning resources, and more.  Another unique element of the book is the “From the Groom” advice, which includes thoughts and insights written by her husband.

While a student at the Mount, Calis met her future husband, Andrew, a fellow student in her English class. In 2010, Calis graduated, got engaged, and worked in the field. The following year, she and Andrew married at the Grotto in Emmitsburg. Over the next year, she and her husband attended nine weddings for friends and family. Each time, Calis, who had just recently planned her own wedding, was asked for practical advice on topics from the liturgy to vendors to wedding planning. After realizing there were very few resources covering both the practical and spiritual aspects of wedding planning, Calis attempted to humbly fill that void. In 2012, she started a blog, Captive the Heart, to inspire and assist new brides-to-be. Soon after, the sisters from Pauline Books and Media approached her, asking her to write a book, incorporating her insights from the blog. Calis was thrilled to do so, and in 2016, Invited was released.

Those looking for helpful, friendly advice in wedding planning or marriage, can reference Calis’ book, Invited; her blog, Captive the Heart; or her current undertaking (as co-founder and editor) of the beautiful and inviting blog, Spoken Bride.

Author Stephanie Calis and Moderator Tony Dilulio respond to questions from the audience at Seton Shrine Chat with an Author event.

Photo by Anita DiGregory

Catoctin Kids

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A New Chapter

by Anita DiGregory

It’s a beautiful Saturday morning here in the area I am blessed to call home. The sun is shining. The sound of my children playing in the distance is ringing in the air. But instead of enjoying the day out with the family, I am sitting at the kitchen table, head down, suffering major writer’s block. My column for October is due, and I can’t seem to make it happen.

I love October. The weather, the colors, the boots, the sweaters—I love it all. But now as I sit here in a heap, I can’t find the words. I want to make it easy; I could use something easy, something simple. A nice simple topic, totally opposite from the whirlwind my life has been lately; something completely opposite from all the doctor’s visits, the high school dramas, the broken hearts, the never-ending to-do lists, the constant running, the juggling of all the balls in the air. Easy, that’s what I need. Hmm…what is October the month of? I do a quick internet search. No, that won’t do. What is wrong with me? October.

I look up, glance at the fridge and think about how it’s a perfect metaphor for my life: it’s an organized mess. The bills, the deadlines, the work schedules, the have to do’s, all stuck up there amongst the beautiful prayers, crayon pictures created with care by sweet, little hands, the wise messages telling me to keep calm, and the family pictures…all the family photos. And then the tears fall. In October, things will change, again.  As I glance at the counters, I spot them: all the messy reminders, the rehearsal dinner venue brochures, the caterer cards, the bridal shower decorations…yup, October is coming fast.

And now with all the proverbial floodgates open, all I can think about is my little one, my baby who somehow grew up overnight. How did that happen? I know all the experienced moms out there told me:  “Don’t blink. Don’t miss a minute.  They’ll be all grown up before you know it.” And, of course, they were right; I knew they were right all along. I tried to heed the wise advice.  Like special dried flowers pressed into old scrapbooks, I tried over the years to press into my memory all the special moments: all the firsts, the little fingers wrapped around my finger, the walks on the beach, the arms wrapped around my neck in sweet embrace. I honestly think the feeling of having sweet little arms wrapped around you has to be one of the greatest feelings on Earth, like a tiny glimpse of what Heaven must feel like.

Then, with a blink of a tear, my memory transports me back to the new mommy class I attended nearly twenty-four years ago, when I was a brand new momma, sitting there with my brand new little one in a room full of new moms and babies.  In an attempt to conduct an (always awkward) ice-breaker, the instructor asked each member of this sleep-deprived, hormonal, anxious crowd to identify the one thing we found to be the most surprising about being a mother for the first time. I remember my answer. There was not much I was sure of back then. I was nervous, felt like I had no idea what I was doing, and was absolutely terrified of the day my husband’s time off would run out; he would return to work, and I would be all alone in the house with this new bundle of joy. But I was sure of my answer to her question. As a brand new mom, I was most surprised by how deeply and completely I felt joy and love: the joy of experiencing being mom each new moment to this beautiful baby and the unbounded, unconditional love for this child and my new little family.

Fast forward to today and not too much has changed. My family has grown by leaps and bounds, and will be blessed with yet another sweet, beautiful family member in October, when my son joins his life to his new bride. And although every single day is a crazy ride on this roller coaster of life, I am blessed by every single crazy moment, ups and downs. Half of the time (probably more than half), I still feel like I have no idea what I am doing. But the truth is, this mom thing is crazy hard, and it’s okay not to have the answers all the time. Honestly, the more I realize how little control I have, the more I realize Who does have control, and the more time I spend in prayer, and that’s a pretty great place to be. I am still in awe at being mom to some of the beautiful blessings in my life, and being able to experience every new day, challenge, failure, mistake, and success with them.    And although it is hardly ever easy and always messy, there is nowhere else on earth I would rather be.

So, come October, I will joyfully watch my son as he joins hands with his bride, exchanges vows, and they begin a new life together. And even though he may be grown and quite a bit taller than me now, this mom will undoubtedly turn into a puddle of tears when he wraps his arms around me, says goodbye, and begins a new chapter. October.